Ghost Memories
by tieratiara
Summary: The Golden Trio go back to Hogwarts to retake their seventh year, but find it hard to move forward. In an effort to reach out, and in a way saving herself too, Hermione takes an emotionally unstable Malfoy under her wings. Through their therapeutic relationship they manage to fall in love, but the ghosts of their pasts are too painful; their scars too deep to forget.
1. No Going Back

**_I do not own Harry Potter, but I sure wish I did. All of these places, settings, and people belong to JK Rowling._**

**_Thoughts are Italicized, dialogue is Italicized. _**

**Draco POV**

_The pang of guilt hit me, as it had several times before. My pale hand clutches at the knife as if it was a life force, the blood staining my hands, proof of the failure I am. I raise the knife and stare at my reflection in it's blinding blade. My handsome face is mangled with healing scars, old and new. But none compare to the scars on my heart, the scars of Voldemort, whose dark ways slowly stained my pureness. I recall the lazy days of childhood, when old pureblood standards seemed only a joke. I suddenly regret calling Granger a mudblood. The name itself is stained, stained with evil. Granger was not evil: Granger is not evil. I am. I sink down on the dead grass. What thoughts posses my mind now. Why is Granger suddenly in my thoughts? A flashback from the Yule ball. I recall in clarity, the becoming dress Granger wore, her grace on the dance floor, her grace in life. I long for that grace; that freedom. Yet it is gone. What hadn't Voldemort taken from me? What more is left salvaged? My eyes bore into my left arm. Littered with cuts, the dark mark remains unwavering. The darkness is permanent. There is no getting rid of it. I don't think I can stand to be discriminated for the rest of my life. It is a petty reason, seeing that I deserve it the most. My gaze fastens onto the knife once more. I raise it high over my left arm, just underneath the elbow. My arms are shaking, and tears pour from my eyes and drip down my forearm. There is no going back. A silver flash of the knife as I bring it down, and the world dissolves into pure nothing._

**Hermione POV**

Steam rolls from the Hogwarts Express, the entire station covered with young witches and wizards like ants on an anthill. After receiving news of Hogwart's reopening, almost everyone who missed school during Voldemort's devastating rule had returned to redo their year and continue their magical schooling. Even us, the Golden trio, who's scars are deepest, have come to make new memories at Hogwarts. Harry Potter stares mournfully at the platform. Although the crowd of students is ever so full, he recognizes several faces being absent, faces that won't be seen again. He notices that most of the Slytherins were missing as well, the product of their forced loyalty to the dark lord. I lightly place my hand on Harry's shoulder,

_"Harry?"_ I ask softly in precaution, _"Are you alright?"_

_"Yeah. I'm fine. Just fine",_ he says abruptly.

He takes his trunk in a hand and hoists it into the train. He gives a hand to me as well, as everyone cries their last goodbyes. Falling behind Harry, I glance at the mob of students and parents. Many a face has a myriad of scars, a few missing a body part or two. I snap out of my depressed state and call out.

_"Are you coming Ronald?"_

Ron heaves his trunk as he gives a last reassuring hug to a tearful Molly. I feel for her, Fred's death hadn't been long ago, and all of her children were grown up and gone. Only little Teddy keeps her company on the weekdays, when Arthur is busy at work. Oh that's right. I didn't tell you. Poor Andromeda suffered from depression after finding out the death of her daughter and son-in-law. She is residing at St. Mungo's, making a slow recovery. Harry would assume custody of Teddy when he receives his Hogwarts diploma, for poor Andromeda wouldn't be able to go about taking care of a rambunctious toddler. But for now, Molly had solace. The clock struck eleven and the last doors of the train are closed shut. Another roll of steam and the train moves out of the station and into the vast country-side. I quickly settle into a compartment with Harry. Ron feeling a bit more boisterous goes off to a compartment with Ginny, Neville, Luna, and a few other Gryffindors who had survived the year. Harry and I sit silent for the first three hours of the ride, his eyes staring unwavering at the window. Time seems stagnant as I speed read through a few muggle classics. Around a few hours later I decide it is about time to head to the prefect meeting. After all, I am the appointed Head Girl this year. I see Neville and Padma Patil walking towards the compartment where we are to meet. I caught up with them only as much to hear snippets of their conversation.

_"Have you heard? Of all the seventh years, Professor McGonagall chose Malfoy for Head Boy! I thought that Harry was a shoe-in for the job,"_ Padma exclaims to Neville. He gives a pained expression.

_"Yes… I believe that's so,"_ he murmurs back.

I stop in my tracks. Malfoy is head boy. I am head girl. _After everything I have been through, I am being paired up with the person who made my childhood hell?_ I stand frozen at the entrance to the prefect compartment as people filter past me. Thoughts run at a lightning pace through my head. _How am I going to face him in the meeting? Will he be civil to me? _I shake off the worry and compose myself and enter the compartment with my head held regally high. The prefects are already sitting and chattering to each other. As I take my place at the head of everyone, my regal pose crumbles. Malfoy is nowhere in sight. I smile with a newfound confidence.

_"Hello everyone, and welcome to the prefect committee, I am your head girl, Hermione Granger. Also, welcome to a new year at Hogwarts, one which we will make hopefully better. Let's get started",_ I say to the scarred, yet eager faces of the students in front of me. I hope for the best.

The meeting commences and many of the new and old prefects give it their all to give their full attention to me as we rule out new ideas for this year. Some Hufflepuff prefects already suggested several dances and school wide events to distract the students from the sadness that lingers around the castle. Many of us know that most of the castle has been rebuilt and modified, and that we were going to face something cold and unfriendly after years of seeing the same enchanting buildings. The warmth has seeped out of our hearts and uncertainty has taken it's place. I have to make sure that doesn't happen. I am going to make the students feel as welcome as humanely possible, no matter what they have done in the past. I have a new goal, and will not rest until it is complete. My stride quickens as I make my way back to my compartment. There is no going back.

- please review and I will love you-


	2. A New Point of View

**Draco POV**

The rain beat relentlessly on the window panes, drilling its steady beat into my head and lulling me to sleep. But every time my eyelids gave in to the darkness, a flash of lightning; followed by thunder, broke the rhythm of the rain and the sporadic sounds of the nightlife. My eyes snapped open. Back to where I started. I groaned and for the fifth time that night, turned over my pillow in the hopes that it would bring me the comfort I so needed. Tangled up in the sheets, late enough in the night that even thunder and lightning have retired, late enough that even the roiling rain clouds had exhausted their last drops: that's when I finally succumbed into a deep slumber.

A steady stream of light filtered through my eyelids, welcoming me only further into the world I wanted so passionately to escape. My eyes flickered in and out of focus, blurry from the crying, the tossing-and-turning, and general lack of sleep. Long enough to see that it was quarter to eleven.

_" Shit!Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! I'm going to miss the bloody train,"_ I hollered as I struggled to pull on my trousers and a clean shirt, then cursing even louder after stubbing my toe on my trunk as I grappled for socks and shoes.

If the Hogwarts Express left without me, I would surely miss the first Prefects meeting, even though I had no intentions of attending it in the first place. Hurried, I shrunk my trunk and shoved it into my messenger bag, grabbing a blazer and a comb as I haphazardly veered through the kitchen just long enough to grab some toast. I almost flew through the Manor's large mahogany doors, only to notice that my mother had left me a note. I snatched it, skimming over the parchment and identifying her flowing script. As I read, her sweet, gentle voice played in my head.

_" Draco Darling, I've left to go visit your aunt Andromeda at St. Mungo's and i shan't be back until late afternoon. Don't bother waiting for me dear, I'm afraid I shan't there to se you off at King's Cross today. But i suppose such a big boy as you wouldn't want his mum embarrassing him in front of his friends anyway. I wish you good luck this year, being Head boy and all, I'm sure that…. I'm sure that your father would be proud if he knew. Anyways darling, don't forget what I told you earlier and please don't leave Scala here, you know how terrified I am of snakes, and it really is your responsibility to take care of your pet and all. Oh, pardon me, I must be keeping you from getting ready. Goodbye Draco, and again, good luck!"_

_, Love Mum_

There was also a letter for Professor McGonagall attached to the note, that I was to deliver upon arriving at school. I already knew what it contained. It detailed how extremely sorry I was for all that I've done to the school, how much I've regretted my actions, this and that and all of my regret. So much, that I was driven to a point of insanity. Apparently, so insane that I cut my left arm off; under the elbow. The letter said I am disabled and would need a supportive environment. In my brief moment of anger I shredded and vanished the letter. I spat out my thoughts like snake venom, though no one was there to receive them.

"_I don't need your pity mother, or anyone else's! I did what I did for a reason, not because I was sorry!"_ I screamed as my voice resonated through the empty house.

I glanced at the clock and groaned loudly, _"Five till'! Fuck, now I'm REALLY going to miss the damn train!"_

I reached for the doorknob with my left, but I never reached it. I paused, frozen in time, the only thing in motion was my racing conscience. Hovering above the door, my un-existent lower arm, no, the particles where my arm should have been now shook with fear. I felt the reach of my arm all the way to the tips of my fingers, but nothing was there. Slowly I lowered the stub of my arm into the shadows. There glimmered a ghost. But it was not any ghost, it was my arm. It was the ghost of my arm, down to the last imperfection. Was that even possible? I was terrified by it. Even more terrifying was the dark mark that inked itself into the ghost of my arm, it's existence now truly permanent. I apparrated in an instance, leaving behind a gust of wind that slammed the doors behind me. My mother's note lay crumpled on the bare floor.

-please review and I will love you-

What do you think?


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